I love watching the show Tough Love on VH1. Why? Because it really digs deep into these people's lives to see why they are the way they are in relationships.
So it got me thinking. And I guess it's time for me to dig deep too.
At age 4 my parents got divorced. Apparently I was a very talkative kid my first 4 years, but after that I only talked to certain people. And I talked a lot to those people. I never talked at school. I was this quiet shy kid. Once a teacher even asked my mom if I talked. To which she informed her that I never shut up!
Growing up I didn't want to break out of that shy shell. I'm not 100% sure why. Maybe it's because I was afraid to let people in. And maybe it's because I was so disappointed in my dad for leaving me and my mom. Maybe I was afraid to let people in because I was scared that they would let me down too. That they would disappoint me too. That they would make fun of me. That they would tell me I wasn't good enough. That they would tell me that I wasn't pretty enough. That I wouldn't fit in.
So I withdrew from people. Don't get me wrong, I had a great core group of friends and they really did know me and I knew them. But I didn't want to let any others in. I was happy living on the sidelines. It saved me from the craziness of life. I wasn't with the party crowd. I was me. A wallflower. And I was happy with that. Well, kind of... I always envied those who were pretty and had tons of friends and had all they wanted in life.
But now that I look back, I'm glad I was the way that I was. I'm glad I didn't have that wild streak. I'm glad I didn't let more people in that would only hurt me. I'm glad I didn't get caught up in all the crazy drama in life. I'm just happy I was me!
But how does this effect me in relationships now? It affects me because I'm scared to let people in. I'm terrified of being hurt by them. I'm terrified of someone walking out of my life again. I put up a shield that I don't let people get through until I completely get to know someone and know they won't hurt me. I'm not just talking relationships with guys, I'm talking relationships with people in general....just friendships even.
How do I get past this? I don't know 100%. This is still a work in progress for me.
But I do know this. It sure saves you from the hurt!
Tell me....any of you who have gone through something similar....how did you get past that? How do you let people in? Or is it okay not to let that many in? I'd love your feedback on this one.
31 Days
Day 5: Throw Timelines Out the Window
Day 4: You Have to Want It
Day 3: Power of Positive Thinking
Day 2: Beautiful Beginnings
Day 1: The Past Can Hurt You...If You Let It
I have hardly any friends anymore. I used to have people that I would go out with but none of them really ever came through for me. In all honesty, you showing up in Atlanta when I was pregnant was one of the nicest things anyone has ever done. You set the bar high when it comes to friendship. I know I have fallen short but you really are my inspiration. My dad always says that to have good friends you have to be a good friend. Because every person is an individual there is always the potential to be hurt. I think what you need to look at is the intent. Yes you may be hurt by what someone says or does...but when the pain subsides look at what they intended. Don't go into anything expecting 0 hurt. If you expect and demand respect, honesty, etc. then you'll accept a person who won't purposely hurt you. But if someone does hurt you it will just give you another weapon in your arsenal. Just remember...you can't depend on anyone else for your happiness.
ReplyDeleteYou are awesome! I love what you said. That last sentence means so much...."You can't depend on anyone else for your happiness." And wow...it's so true! I'm right there with you. I don't have many "true" friends anymore. But you know, I'm okay with that. Because the ones I do have mean the most! Like you! :0) You are always there when I need you. You're friendship is one of the truest friendships I've ever had. It just stinks that we are so far away from each other.
Delete